The Claribou

Like a touch from Midas himself, each continent has been gifted with a plethora of precious flora and fauna. Through changes in climate and occasional interference from mankind, some of these beautiful and unique animals have dwindled down to just handfuls.  Though those critters certainly are in dire straits, there is a particular branch of the ‘Rangifer tarandus’ that proves one really is the loneliest number.  This terribly endangered fawn-a is the Claribou, distant cousin of the caribou or reindeer family.

While the worldly caribou are located across multiple continents including Europe and North America, the more superior and more narcissistic part of the evolutionary tree is located only in North America. The region this Claribou is located in is absolutely staggering, spanning a range of only ten miles. Unlike it’s relations, this horned and cloven hooved creature has become an apex predator in it’s own right. Instead of sticking to a lichen filled diet, this abomination of nature ambush hunts for pizza delivery drivers, and due to an enlarged second stomach has even been known to lay in wait for dessert as well.

While the more homely and common caribou are only known to grow to 4.9 feet, the Claribou has the advantage of being 5.2 feet tall, head and antlers above the competition. One would think this stature on such a graceful creature would make it a prized possession but the regular unexceptional part of the family gets the most attention. Many cultures have depended on the caribou for centuries, including Laplanders and Inuits. They utilized the caribou for hides, food, and transportation. Some people even make toggles out of the caribou antlers, toggles, not buttons, do get it right ducky.

The Claribou however, comes from a mutation of genetics that only started permeating the genes of the caribou in the early 90s. Because of the semi elusive nature of this variety, not many people depend on it for anything at all. Due to some fuck up of evolution, the Claribou has nearly no fur and extraordinarily thin skin, therefore it would be useless for hides or defending itself in a fight. When confronted the Claribou mostly lays down and cries, hoping against hope that the perpetrator has pity and just leaves.

Like you should do, you should just leave.


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