Italian restaurant review

Today, the twists and turns of my path brought me to the doorstep of a small Italian restaurant. Typically, I don’t eat out alone, but the gnawing in my stomach had driven me to such lengths. As I walked over the stoop, I became aware that I must be the first customer of the day. There was no hustle and bustle of other patrons chatting or munching away. There were not even any servers in sight. Spotting a newspaper laying close by, I determined to pass the time catching up on local news. Suddenly, a voice came from the empty abyss surrounding me, nay it even beckoned me to follow the sweet siren song!   Now seated at the bar, the sphinx put impossible riddles to me like, “what do you wanna order”, and “what the fuck is wrong with your life that you’re eating carbs at nine AM central standard time?”

I began to sweat as if interrogators had lights trained on my face, drilling me with questions. As with all things ,though, questions have answers. The answer in this particular predicament came to me on a gust of wind reminiscent of those across the Bay of Biscay. Stammering and stuttering, I finally blurted, “Ggg..gnocchi a la rustica, stat, please!”

The imposing shadow of the sphinx scurried away to prepare my meal. I had won this time, the riddle had been solved, the village was set free.  Soon enough the waiter reappeared with the lifesaving remedy to quiet the pangs in my digestive tract. I became enamored immediately with this steaming crock of Italian goodness.  As the waiter retreated, his hand caressed my shoulder, and he whispered sensually in my ear, “Enjoy your meal, my friend.” All seemed well as I tucked into my bowl, shoving heaping handful after handful into my yearning mouth hole. My self-control had truly been obliterated and all self-worth abandoned. It came to an end rather abruptly, and I started to realize my situation. “What have I done?”, I queried, looking at the mess I had made. Sheepishly, I cleaned myself off as best I could, hoping no scent would remain on my being. I drug my feet as I left the temple of food, and drove slowly home. I wasted as much time as I possibly could, doing this or that, eventually, I knew I had to face my fate. As I opened the door to my abode, she ran towards me on all fours, bounding with joy!  Jumping to lick my face, perhaps she caught a whiff of my breath and I could see her mood shift. She knew what I had done.

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